Two weeks ago Poops received a job offer to work in an international mining company. The benefits were unbelievable and it was too good to pass up. Medical insurance covered including dental (if you live here, you know dental fees can accumulate up to thousands of dollars), free accommodation, field bonuses, list goes on really.

And the company will send him to USA (InsyaAllah) in February for training.

How can you turn down an offer as such? He accepted it. It's his dream job. I am happy for him. Truly I am. Surely there must be catch you say. There is but one.

He has to move away from here. Away from me. To Roma. Which is 4 hours drive away.

And you thought, aww that is not so bad now, after all you are still in the same country.

That is even worst. Fair enough I fly back to Brunei frequently for long periods at a time, but we were in different continents. The distance was very conspicuous. There was not much we can do about it. But knowing that he is in the same country as I, yet so far away..it is very disheartening for me.

Especially when I spend every waking moment I have with him. For two years we were never apart for such a long time. Except when I have coffee sessions with my girlfriend/s and he has boys night out with his friends. And when he goes to work and I attend classes at uni.

Aside from odd moments, we were always together. Always. Literally attached at the hip.

Two weeks came and went so fast. I was dreading today. For two weeks I was a mix bundle of emotions. I was ecstatic yet I was despondent. Am I being selfish? For wanting him all to myself? For not letting him go and achieve his ambitions? Shame on me.

We had a farewell barbi for him yesterday. It was good fun, but beneath the carefree mask lies a very sorrowful girl who wishes that tomorrow would never come.

But it did. It greeted us with warmth and sunshine. Infact it was such a lovely day.

This morning I watched him packed as I sat on his bed with a sad smile. He gave me the occasional kiss and hug. The playful wink every now and then. When he was done we had breakfast with his mother and brother. I practically followed him all over the house, became his shadow until he said "Baby, sit. Im not leaving yet."

And then it was time for him to leave. We said our goodbyes in my room. I told him that I don't want to come down asI do not wish for his mother and brother to see me in such a state. We hugged for what seemed to be an eternity. I didnt want to let go. He finally broke the embrace. I saw him off at the balcony and watched, as tears rolled down my face with uncontrollable sobbing, as he drove off.

I went into my room broke down. Disbelief that he has left.

The house seems so empty now. His room seems so empty, my room seems so empty, the bathroom seems so empty. Anything and everything could trigger my tear ducts. I cried while showering because there was only my shampoo bottle left. I cried while brushing my teeth cause there was only one toothbrush left. I cried hanging my towel because there was only one left.

I cried when his mother did his left over laundry. I was screaming in my head "Nooo! Nooo!His smell! His smell!" I ran up to his room and searched his closet for something..anything with his smell. How pathetic is that?

Im on the potty and I cried. I lie in bed and I cried. I lie on his bed and I cry. I cried when I made my tea. I cried when I watch tv. All i did was cry and cry some more. The house was actually clean for more then 5 mins. Usually its messy because Poops always have his shoes lying around in the living room or dirty dishes in the sink or his unmade bed.

No one to tuck me in at nights.
No one to kiss me goodbyes.
No one to take me to McCafe for my daily dose of caffeine at night.
No more late night trips to 7-11 because I had a sudden craving for tic-tacs.
No more nightly scrabble games.
No more farting competitions.
No one to lie on the grass on a lazy Sunday.
No more him asking "B, have you seen my *fill in the blank*?"
No more him bellowing "Honey! Im home!"
No one to cuddle with on those manja moments.
No more arguments on whose turn it is to take out the bin.

He has been calling me all day but I could not choke a complete sentence without sobbing.

It's not the same. Things will not be the same. Both must learn to adjust accordingly. Its hard. But eventually we will come to terms. Writing this down actually helps. Deepest apologies that you have to 'read' me in such an emotional stage but this Supergirl needs to hang her cape up for a bit. Just for a while.

So for the mean time, let me be. I am allow to grief but not for long and when I am done, I will grief no more but celebrate the fact that my belove is following his dreams.