I is okay now

I spent the whole day yesterday unwinding by attending my Pilates class and swimming in the morning (wee hours mind you, who goes to the gym at 8am?) ; then did Kai Bo and Yoga with Christie in the evening.

All that exercise made me feel so much better. Because increase in physical activity increases heart rate, which in return releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people just dont kill their love ones. ROFL. If you recognise that line it's from Legally Blonde. Minor changes here and there.

Yes, I watched it. Let me be. =P

I ended the day with a relaxing soak in the tub. In which I did much evaluation and contemplation. I am usually not so overly emotional. I am always (okay okay, sometimes.. before Mells and Kaka retorts =P) rational and I very much enjoy having control over myself. By letting myself go, to me was a sign of weakness and vulnerability. Yes I do have my moments, but this was highly exaggerated.

Perhaps this was due to the fact that I will be graduating next year July (insya Allah) and after that I will be back in Brunei for good. I thought I could take this opportunity to spend whatever time we have left with each other. And at this point in time, our future seems so vulnerable and vague.

We are at cross roads and our life is such a conundrum. His a Catholic and I am a Muslim. Yes we have approached the subject one too many times but both are very reluctant to let go of each other's beliefs. The mere inkling of it has never ever crossed my mind. Despite not being so devout, I hold firmly on to my faith. So does he. Which leaves us back to square one.

With words of encouragement from my fellow readers and my beloved girlfriends, I made the decision to reclaim my strength, take control of my life and shall grieve no more. I should cherish the memories Hardy and I had build together; that I had the opportunity play missus with him despite the short months.

Both of us had dreams and aspirations before we met each other. Finding love was not included in the equation. But it happened. We didn't plan it, but fate had something else stored up her sleeves.

We met and we fell in love and we stayed in love for so long. Simple as that. But being in love should not deter us from achieving what we want in life because regret would be the worst thing to feel throughout life. We both made a solemn oath to accomplish our goals with or without each other. No matter what happens, we both know that we will have each other's support and love.

It is still tough to talk about him when friends ask without my eyes welling up with tears. But I quickly shake myself mentally and put on a brave smile.

And so, here I am, content and happy and ready to face another day.

To My Kaka Lawa, My Mellsie Boo, Fina Girl, Ka Lex, 'My Cousin' (=p), Three Horizontal Line, My duckling Mich, Ka Sas, Soon to be Bride SS (hehe), Dini Girl and April

I can't thank you enough those words of encouragement and for giving me hope. From the bottom of my heart, I thank all of you with deepest gratitude and much sincerity. =)